Lightning Fill In The Blank

Jan 10, 2014
Originally published on January 11, 2014 10:14 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST: Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: We have a tie for first place, Peter. Adam Felber and Charlie Pierce each has three points. Paula Poundstone has two.

HOST: All right, Paula. You are in third place so you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill in the blank. The Senate battled this week to agree on a compromise that would extend blank.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Unemployment benefits.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: Although a judge ruled it legal, Utah's governor said the state will not recognize the 1300 blanks it has already licensed.

POUNDSTONE: Married gays.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: This week Governor Cuomo proposed a plan that would make New York the 21st state to allow the use of blank for medicinal purposes.

POUNDSTONE: Marijuana.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: Hip hop duo Insane Clown Posse filed a lawsuit against the blank this week after the agency classified their fans as a gang.

POUNDSTONE: Against the FBI?

HOST: Yes. Free the jugilos. Pope Francis broke with protocol this week when he invited a friend in the crowd to ride alongside him in the blankmobile.

POUNDSTONE: Popemobile.

HOST: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: A woman in Kuwait has filed for divorce over blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

CHARLIE PIERCE: I love this story.

POUNDSTONE: Over someone being annoying.

HOST: No.

PIERCE: No.

HOST: She filed for divorce over the way her husband eats peas.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: It's one of the risks of marriage. You fall in love, get married and then wake up the next morning to discover that your husband is a weird pea-eating freak.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: He picks them up with bread instead of a fork. That's it. We never judge anybody's marriage, but that's sick.

PIERCE: That's over the line.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Carl, how did Paula do on our quiz?

KASELL: Paula had five correct answers for ten more points. She now has 12 points and Paula has taken the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

HOST: All right. We've flipped a coin. Charlie's elected to go last, so Adam you are up next, fill in the blank. On Thursday, Dennis Rodman apologized over his outburst during a CNN interview about his trip to blank.

ADAM FELBER: North Korea.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: On Monday the Senate confirmed Janet Yellen as the first female head of the blank.

FELBER: The Fed.

HOST: Right. One half of the legendary singing duo, the (BLANK), Phil (BLANK), died last week at age 74.

FELBER: Everly Brothers.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: A new analysis released this week shows that a majority of the members of blank are millionaires.

FELBER: Norway.

HOST: Members of Congress.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: After helping a stranger dig his car out of the snow, a Good Samaritan in New York blanked.

FELBER: Carjacked him. Robbed him.

HOST: Yeah, stole the car.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: Because of her injured right knee, this week Lindsay Vonn announced she will not compete in the blank.

FELBER: Winter Olympics.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: In response to criticism over their lack of diversity, this week blank hired a black female cast member as well as writers.

FELBER: Saturday Night Live.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: Due to a quote, logistical error...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

HOST: ...a supermarket in Germany received a shipment of blank instead of their shipment of bananas.

FELBER: Cocaine.

HOST: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: It was probably a simple labeling mistake, but five stores in Berlin were shocked when their bananas from Columbia turned out to have a street value of 8 million dollars.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Store workers said that they discovered and took care of the problem immediately, but they couldn't explain why Frau Schmidt's banana bread suddenly became extremely popular.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: All right, Carl. How did Adam do on our quiz?

KASELL: He had seven correct answers for 14 more points. He now has 17 points and Adam has the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

HOST: Well done. So how many then does Charlie need to win?

KASELL: Seven to tie, eight to win outright.

HOST: Okay, Charlie. This is for the game, fill in the blank. Wednesday marked the 50th anniversary of Lyndon B. Johnson's speech declaring a war on blank.

PIERCE: Poverty.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: On Thursday, former Cuban leader blank made his first public appearance in nine months.

PIERCE: Fidel Castro.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: On Monday, Republicans in Wyoming were surprised by blank's announcement that she is ending her campaign for state senator.

PIERCE: Liz Cheney.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: To mark the third anniversary of her shooting, former Congresswoman blank went skydiving.

PIERCE: The really badass Gabriel Giffords.

HOST: You bet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: To keep swimmers safe, scientists in Australia are tagging sharks so that they can blank.

PIERCE: Send a signal to warn them off the swimmers.

HOST: Specifically?

PIERCE: Sonic like sonic beam.

HOST: No. They're going to Tweet their locations.

PIERCE: Well, that'll help if you'll be swimming with your Blackberry.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: Kraft Foods warned customers this week about a possible shortage of blank.

PIERCE: Cheese.

HOST: Right, Velveeta.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: After he posted a tweet once again plagiarizing cartoonist Daniel Clowes's work, actor blank was served with a cease and desist order.

PIERCE: Oh, Shia Leboeuf.

HOST: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HOST: A game of hide and seek in Australia...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

HOST: ...went horribly wrong when police, firefighters and a search and rescue team had to save a man who blanked.

PIERCE: I - you know, the only thing I can think of is hitting the wrong place, hitting the mouth of a lion or the mouth of a shark.

HOST: No. He actually - what he did, he was playing hide and seek with his friends or his wife, we're not quite sure. He took off all of his clothes and squeezed himself inside a top-loading washing machine.

(SOUNDBITE OF SURPRISE)

HOST: Think about that.

PIERCE: Did they find him?

HOST: They did find him.

PIERCE: Winner.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: But how do you get a naked grown man out of a top-loading washing machine?

PIERCE: Spin cycle.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: It took a lot of persistence and a tub of olive oil.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: The worst part though is that he got in there with a red shirt and now he's going to be light pink for the rest of his life.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

HOST: Should've washed him in cold.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: What could the upside of that been?

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: They never found him.

PIERCE: He won the game.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, you win if no one finds you.

HOST: And then you're stuck in a top-loading washing machine for the rest of your life.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, yeah, I don't think he thought that through.

(LAUGHTER)

HOST: No. Carl, did Charlie do well enough to win?

KASELL: He needed seven to at least tie but Charlie had only six correct answers. So at 17 points Adam Felber is this week's champion.

(APPLAUSE)

HOST: Well done, Adam Felber.

FELBER: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. No, no, no. Thank you, Paula.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, congratulations, Adam.

FELBER: No, no, no, stop.

POUNDSTONE: You know what? If you need to use steroids, go ahead.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: What?

HOST: In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists how the mayor of Fort Lee, New Jersey will get back at Chris Christie. But first let me tell you... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.