Limericks

May 23, 2014
Originally published on May 24, 2014 9:13 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and check out the latest "How to Do Everything" podcast. This week, Ian and Mike tell you what to do with that enormous whale on your beach.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One guy up in Newfoundland just said, thank God.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

SARAH DAGGETT: Hi, this is Sarah Daggett. I'm calling from Lexington, Mass.

SAGAL: I know Lexington. Lexington and Concord...

DAGGETT: That's correct.

SAGAL: ...Birthplace of the American Revolution. And what do you do there besides reenact the, the -

(LAUGHTER)

DAGGETT: That takes up an awful lot of my time...

>>SAGAL I'm sure it does.

DAGGETT: ...But when I'm not doing that, I'm a research engineer at MIT.

SAGAL: Oh, you are?

DAGGETT: Mhmm.

SAGAL: That's exciting. Well, that's where they're inventing the future, so what cool things are you working on?

DAGGETT: I make a lot of PowerPoint slides, unfortunately.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: PowerPoint slides. Welcome to the show, Sarah. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each, of course. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Ready to play?

DAGGETT: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick. Bill.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Round the fjords to my ship I am hiking, and my musk is to everyone's liking. Whiffs of smoke, mead, and gore, and of old Nordic lore. With this spray, I smell just like a...

DAGGETT: Viking?

SAGAL: Yes, Viking.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Norse Power is a new deodorant for people who long for the old days when men smelled like the towns they had just pillaged and burned.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Viking-inspired scent, released by British tourism agency Visit York combines, quote, sweat, pine, meat, mead, seawater, smoke, and gore, unquote.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: With just a little note of Fran Tarkenton.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes. The goal is to attract tourists to York's Viking museum by highlighting the one thing you want to avoid about a Viking. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Spread by hand, lotions so rarely done clean. And when sand's involved, it's not a fun scene. SPF for my hide will emerge from inside. We've developed a drinkable...

DAGGETT: Sunscreen?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

DAGGETT: That sounds disgusting.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It does. One company has come up with a way to ensure people get adequate UV protection, drinkable sunscreen. As Osmosis Skincare knows, if you're worried about people not getting enough of something, make it so they can swallow it.

KURTIS: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The company claims their new drinkable sunscreen will somehow protect your skin for up to four hours. It can be mixed with water for maximum hydration or beer to make sure that you enjoy drinking it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: On the subway, people compress, but my clothing relieves me of stress. My tailored umbrella will push a fellow. I'm expanding my space with my...

DAGGETT: Dress.

SAGAL: Yes, your dress.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A Hong Kong fashion designer has released something called the subway dress, a dress that inflates when people get too close to you on the subway.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's basically a kind of...

CHARLIE PIERCE: Like, say, people wearing Viking perfume.

SAGAL: Exactly. You know, it's basically an airbag you can deploy to sort of get people out of your personal space.

PIERCE: (Laughter) Oh, God. What if the person next to you's wearing one, too?

SAGAL: Oh, that would be - it's like pinball...

PIERCE: It could really get ugly.

SAGAL: ...On a subway car.

PIERCE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The great thing about the subway dress - it can be worn for other occasions. First date going badly? Poof, subway dress.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Then of course, there's the subway wedding dress if you have second thoughts on the big day.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Sarah do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well could we expect any more than from MIT than a perfect score?

SAGAL: Very good.

KURTIS: Three - zip.

(APPLAUSE)

DAGGETT: Oh, my God.

>>SAGAL Very good. Congratulations, Sarah.

DAGGETT: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye bye.

DAGGETT: Bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.