The Salt
2:33 pm
Mon April 29, 2013

Sandwich Monday: The Pop-Tart Ice Cream Sandwich

Artisan health food giant Carl's Jr. is currently testing a new summer menu item: the Pop-Tart Ice Cream Sandwich. The timing couldn't be better, as it'll help you gain that final pesky 75 pounds before hitting the beach.

We don't have access to a Carl's Jr. here in Chicago, but luckily, we were able to re-create the sandwich using items procured from our office vending machine. We went with frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts and vanilla ice cream.

Robert: When I was a kid, my parents gave me one of these for breakfast every morning until they lost custody.

Mike: This is part of a balanced breakfast, as long as we're balancing breakfast on a three-tiered chocolate cake.

Miles: This is perfect for a family on the go, so long as no one's actually going anywhere.

Eva: I'm just happy someone's finally invented a way for me to eat both Pop-Tarts in the package at once.

Miles: It's nice Michelle Obama took the time to personally slap this out of my mouth.

Peter: How about a sandwich made with two strawberry Pop-Tarts, and the filling is the program from your own funeral?

Miles: Do you think strawberries can sue for libel for being mentioned in the description?

Robert: I think even tarts are offended by this one.

Peter: It's really weird, but when I went to wipe my mouth, all my teeth ended up on the napkin.

Mike: It's a shame they didn't have this sandwich in the '60s. It's fun to imagine Audrey Hepburn staring in Breakfast at Haagen-Dazs.

Eva: No wonder she wore so much black.

[Verdict: Good, if you have a big enough mouth to eat it all in one bite, since the combination of hot toasted Pop-Tarts and ice cream melts into dessert soup almost immediately.]

[Suggested wine pairings: Yoo-Hoo Chocolate Drink, Kool-Aid Bursts, simple syrup.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.

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